Try Invitationall!

(And now an important word from from our sponsor...)

At the end of the church service are you too exhausted to stand? When the final hymn drags on and on, do your legs feel like they are about to give out? What can you do when you are a Southern Baptist and cannot take Spiritryl? If this describes you, then you need the new steroid Invitationall.

By the time Sunday morning rolls around, you need a break. If you are anything like the typical American family, you have it rough. From Monday through Friday, you work hard to support your family. On Saturdays, you play hard with your kids all day. Sunday should be a day of rest. Don't forget the fourth commandment - "Remember the Sabbath day."

By Sunday morning, you are wiped out. Our guess is that you rush around to get ready for church, toss the kids in the van, paint on a smile, and arrive at Sunday School late because one of your children would not stop crying at the nursery drop-off. During the AM service, you are a bit refreshed (that Sunday School coffee and donut helped perk you up), but you also know the dreaded invitation is coming. We know what you are thinking: "I just can't sing twelve verses of Just as I Am or Trust and Obey. I want to do my best, but I just don't have it in me this morning." Never fear, Invitationall is here.

We know that if you are a Southern Baptist, you probably aren't allowed to speak in tongues, so you can't take Spiritryl to get you pumped up. You may already be taking Calvinix, but that won't help you with "end of service fatigue."

Invitationall is a minor steroid that is simple to use, and you can even buy it legally over-the-counter at Wal*Mart. You only have to take it twice a week, on Friday and Saturday nights right before you go to bed. It works whether you are singing old hymns or new remixes.

The results have been outstanding. Sarah Jacobs, member at First Baptist Church of Jacksonville, told TBNN, "I used to have to sit down after seven verses, but now I can make it to the end every Sunday. I can't explain it, but I have more stamina and energy. My legs feel great. Last week we went through 17 verses. I hope we can break the record this week with 20!"

Try new Invitationall and boost your performance during the longest service!


Side-effects include irritability, reduced fertility, anxiety, and a craving for at least one more re-dedicated soul.

Invitationall is co-sponsored by the First Baptist Church of Jacksonville and Southwestern Baptist Seminary.