TBNN Inside Edition: Elder ADD; Brother OCD

Many of the TBNN readers may have noticed that Elder Eric is no longer writing on Thursdays. TBNN has issued official statements regarding Elder Eric’s “time constraints” and other “obligations.”

But TBNN Inside Edition reporters have obtained secretly taped conversations and copies of certain TBNN personnel files that question TBNN’s public statements.

TBNN Inside Edition may be able to shed a little more light on this previously hush-hush topic.

In secretly taped interviews between Elder Eric and Brother Slawson, Elder warned Brother to “watch your back.” Elder went on to say, “If only I would have thrown in a little Arminian thought.”

The taped conversation, (the rights to which are owned exclusively by TBNN Inside Edition) reveals how Elder, participating in the annual mandatory physical and mental examination for all TBNN employees, was diagnosed with ADD (Arminian Deficit Disorder.)

ADD is only detected through personal interviews. Elder was classified as Arminian-deficit when he was found unable to fully understand and embrace Arminianism.

ADD is most commonly diagnosed in children. Over 98% of children believe that God is sovereign over all things. However, when this condition persists into adulthood, it can cause staring, glaring, and lead to loss of friends. Only 20% of children diagnosed with ADD retain the condition into adulthood.

An unnamed evaluator wrote in Elder’s personnel file “With such a persistent case of ADD, I suggest that Elder be given either a sabbatical or a reduced writing load.”

On the positive side, the evaluation went on to state “I am confident that Elder is not inflicted with the more extreme ADHD (Arminian-Deficit Hypercalvinist Disorder). ADHD impairs normal functioning and movement, rendering the victim unable to get out of bed on most days.

Although some mild cases of ADD have been treated with Calvinix, the scientific field is of the general consensus that no real medical cure is available.

ADD is highly persistent from generation to generation. Yet, 15% of all cases are estimated to be caused from trauma or toxic exposure.

TBNN Inside Edition verified from anonymous sources that this was not the first time a TBNN author’s mental health has been brought into question. Brother Slawson was placed on Saturday duty last year after being diagnosed with OCD (Obsessive Calvinist Disorder.)

When asked about his condition, Brother Slawson carefully and methodically placed each of his 10 fingers to the tip of his nose, in turn, stating “Go away OCD” with each touch.