LOS ANGELES, CA - In response to this post, Dr. Francis Welland of UCLA pulled his head out of the sand yesterday and made an amazing assertion. According to Dr. Welland, "I have finally proven once and for all that God does not exist. I know this will make my supporters happy. We are all overjoyed and relieved to have arrived at this day."
Dr. Welland, speaking to an introductory level biology class, continued, "How can I make this claim? This is how: I have been everywhere there is to be. I have seen everything there is to see. I have heard everything there is to hear. I have done everything there is to do. In light of my experiences and research, I can faithfully say to you today that God does not exist. I have not seen nor heard him; therefore, there is no God."
At the conclusion of his announcement, Dr. Welland's students gave him a standing ovation.
UCLA is this morning considering giving Dr. Welland a promotion to full professor status, a paid writing leave of absence, and an honorary doctorate at the December 2009 commencement.
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