Church Gets Honest about Room Names

BRATTLEBORO, VT - When pastor Wilson Davies first arrived at Highland United Methodist Church, he told himself that he wouldn't change anything during his first year there. According to Davies, "I wanted to gain the trust of the people, and it seemed best to me to leave everything as it was for the first year. Well, I managed to make it through seven months, but then one thing in particular just had to change."

Pastor Davies has told TBNN that just before he moved to the church earlier this year, the previous pastor decided to re-name the "Sanctuary," which is now called the "Worship Center." This seems to be a more honest name. Mrs. Sandra Baker, a long-time member of Highland UMC, informed TBNN, "Ever since we moved to contemporary worship a few years ago, our main meeting room has not been much of a sanctuary. However, we all agree that there is a lot of worship going on. We sing at least seven praise choruses each service."

In light of the change to "Worship Center," Davies has proposed that the church should be more honest about the names of the other church rooms. "Why be honest about one room, but cover things up about the others?" he asked TBNN.

Some of the new, proposed names have caused a stir within the body, but Davies thinks it's for the best. "We have a special church meeting scheduled for this coming Monday night. At that time, we'll discuss the new names for a bit, and then vote on the changes room-by-room. I'm praying for a 100% change."

Pastor Davies' proposed changes (in no particular order) are as follows, with the old name first, followed by the proposed name:

Church office - Administration Center

Prayer room - Meditation Center

Gym - Fun Center

Kitchen - Gossip Center

Fellowship hall - Gluttony Center

Board room - Pride & Power Center

Nursery - Daycare Center

Children's Sunday School rooms - Craft Center

Youth room - Carnality Center

Mrs. Baker, who was quoted earlier in this article, has seen these proposed names. "I can't say I'm too thrilled with all of them, but there is certainly some truth mixed in to some. I have to admit that I am a bit scared to venture back into the Youth room."

We at TBNN asked Pastor Davies how he thought the church would respond to him personally at Monday night's meeting. He answered, "Oh, I think they will be pleased by this. We all know that it's critical to tell the truth, so I think they will both applaud the move and vote for all the changes."